Reality Check

"Everything is energy and that's all there is to it.  Match the frequency of the reality you want and you cannot help but get that reality.  It can be no other way.  This is not philosophy.  This is physics." ~ Albert Einstein

I've already spoken here about gratitude and my need for more of it.  It's a topic I'll be revisiting periodically, I'm sure.  But thinking on my lack of gratitude at this time has shown me some other areas where I'm greatly lacking as well.  Time to address those too.

Fulfillment is a concept that I think blurs into the Big G.  So what is fulfillment really?  And how does it compare to gratitude? 

I find it hard to feel grateful when I feel like everything around me is mucky.  And when I look around, everything seems to be in a greater state of muck than ever before.  But I ask myself - Is it really all that bad??  Or is it mucky because I lack gratitude?  If I turn up the gratitude, will I have less muck??

One of the definitions of fulfill is to satisfy.  Then fulfillment, in my mind, would mean having been satisfied.  So what does satisfy mean?  To fulfill the needs or desires of; content.  Well that's settled.  Not only am I lacking in Gratitude, but I'm also lacking in Fulfillment and Satisfaction.  Ouch!  Now let's talk about what brought me to this.

Since 2008, I've been keeping a private journal on a flash drive.  I periodically like to re-read old entries at different points in the year to get perspective of where I'm at as opposed to where I came from.  Looking back over old December entries I found a running theme.  I complain a lot!!!  I tried to give myself the benefit of the doubt, thinking maybe impending holiday stress aided in my cranky disposition, so I cued up a few more entries from the months before and after.  Nope!  I'm a whiner!!!  The truth of it hit me hard in the face this morning.  And it shames me to admit this. 

What a hard realization to face!  I'm embarrassed by this.  I'm ashamed at my behavior here.  And because of the rush of all those uncomfortable feelings, I tried to once again excuse myself for it by saying, "Hey, it's a private journal, used by me to purge myself of my deepest darkest thoughts.  I have a right to complain if I want to!  Nobody sees it.  It's not like I'm voicing this stuff out loud and burdening others with my thoughts.  I'm purging them in order to make room for better thoughts and ideas.  This is a good thing!"  Oh I am a Master Enabler.  For shame!

"LIFE IS NOT HAPPENING TO YOU.  LIFE IS RESPONDING TO YOU."

It's a proven fact that your thoughts affect your feelings.  Your feelings will then affect your moods, which also affects your perspectives.  It's a never-ending cycle really.  And this morning's truth is a hard pill for me to swallow.  I'm embarrassed to even disclose it on here!  My thoughts are horribly toxic.  Basically, I'm poisoning myself.

Who isn't guilty of looking around and bemoaning any number of things -- home, car, job, clothes, appearance, lack of time, lack of energy...the list goes on.  But that doesn't excuse MY behavior.  I don't like this part of me.  It needs modification.  It needs improvement.  It needs a swift kick in the ass!

There's another tool that I wanted to introduce that I know will be a pivotal one for the next year.  It's The Secret by Rhonda Byrne.  Anyone who's read this before knows that a strong healthy mind and clean thoughts are needed to work its magic.  Well then, I better get some serious brain cleaning done a.s.a.p.! 

We draw things to us.  It's true.  And seeing all the negativity I express in my journal explains why I look around at tremendous abundance and see constant lack.  My thoughts are toxic.  Plain and simple.  Time to get back to basics here.  Otherwise, NO tool is going to help me one iota!  And this life-changing journey of mine might as well be dead in the water.