"Risk is the core cost of human connection." ~ Amanda Palmer
I'm reading an excellent book right now written by a relatively well-known musician named Amanda Palmer. Actually Ms. Palmer is so much more than just a musician, but this blog entry isn't about all her finer points. Go look her up. She quite a character -- one that I've come to greatly respect as I get to know more about her and her various works.
Now back to topic...the book. Amanda's book is titled The Art of Asking: or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help. The premise of the book stems from a TED talk she delivered in 2012. It's described as: "Part manifesto, part revelation, this is the story of an artist struggling with the new rules of exchange in the twenty-first century, both on and off the Internet. THE ART OF ASKING will inspire readers to rethink their own ideas about asking, giving, art, and love." Boy, did it ever!
I find myself really contemplating this concept as I read along. The concept being that of asking for the things we need. Whether it be a specific material item, the favor of an action, or even just emotional connection. Multiple times a day, in a multitude of ways, we ask for things. It's such a common place action in our lives that we aren't even aware of the many ways we do it. It puts me in mind to take just one day and really pay attention to the number of times within it that I ask for some thing. I bet you, even if I consciously try super hard to pay attention in order to do this count, I'll still miss some.
Asking. Such a simple concept. And yet, there are distinct times that I greatly fail to do so. It's always when I'm most in need that I clam up. Sometimes it's out of fear of being a burden. Sometimes it's out of pride to avoid appearing weak or helpless. And sometimes it's just simply because I don't know what it is I need. If you don't know what you need, how are you to ask for it? But I find myself now questioning if there's a deeper reason why this concept at times simply eludes me. Maybe I don't really know how to ask.
How is it that I can be perfectly okay asking a complete stranger for any random thing but often, with those closest in my life, I hesitate? Maybe it goes back to what I'm asking for. It seems that actual material things are easier to ask for than emotional things. I assume that's because the material is tangible, whereas emotion is not as easily defined and may therefore be more difficult for me to express, let alone procure.
Could it be just fear in general that paralyzes me when trying to ask for what I need most? Damn it, another fear balloon just got tangled into the handful I'm still clutching from my last blog entry.
What is my fear in asking? Am I afraid I don't know how to fully communicate my need? Am I afraid of being misunderstood? Am I afraid of feeling the rejection that can come with being denied? Am I afraid of appearing weak or needy or, worse yet, vulnerable? Oh, the horror!
I guess the real question then is: Why am I afraid? Why is anyone ever afraid? For any number of reasons, really. There will always be fear in one's life. So how do I override fear and find my voice? I believe it's the same as the answer to this question: How do I ask?
As I'm typing out this question, an answer pops into my head: You just do. You take that step into the unknown, push through that black hole of fear, and speak up. And the more you do it, the more versed you will become at it. Or not. Maybe it will always be a difficult endeavor. Maybe. Maybe not. I think it's about time I find out that answer for myself.
I'm reading an excellent book right now written by a relatively well-known musician named Amanda Palmer. Actually Ms. Palmer is so much more than just a musician, but this blog entry isn't about all her finer points. Go look her up. She quite a character -- one that I've come to greatly respect as I get to know more about her and her various works.
Now back to topic...the book. Amanda's book is titled The Art of Asking: or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help. The premise of the book stems from a TED talk she delivered in 2012. It's described as: "Part manifesto, part revelation, this is the story of an artist struggling with the new rules of exchange in the twenty-first century, both on and off the Internet. THE ART OF ASKING will inspire readers to rethink their own ideas about asking, giving, art, and love." Boy, did it ever!
I find myself really contemplating this concept as I read along. The concept being that of asking for the things we need. Whether it be a specific material item, the favor of an action, or even just emotional connection. Multiple times a day, in a multitude of ways, we ask for things. It's such a common place action in our lives that we aren't even aware of the many ways we do it. It puts me in mind to take just one day and really pay attention to the number of times within it that I ask for some thing. I bet you, even if I consciously try super hard to pay attention in order to do this count, I'll still miss some.
Asking. Such a simple concept. And yet, there are distinct times that I greatly fail to do so. It's always when I'm most in need that I clam up. Sometimes it's out of fear of being a burden. Sometimes it's out of pride to avoid appearing weak or helpless. And sometimes it's just simply because I don't know what it is I need. If you don't know what you need, how are you to ask for it? But I find myself now questioning if there's a deeper reason why this concept at times simply eludes me. Maybe I don't really know how to ask.
How is it that I can be perfectly okay asking a complete stranger for any random thing but often, with those closest in my life, I hesitate? Maybe it goes back to what I'm asking for. It seems that actual material things are easier to ask for than emotional things. I assume that's because the material is tangible, whereas emotion is not as easily defined and may therefore be more difficult for me to express, let alone procure.
Could it be just fear in general that paralyzes me when trying to ask for what I need most? Damn it, another fear balloon just got tangled into the handful I'm still clutching from my last blog entry.
What is my fear in asking? Am I afraid I don't know how to fully communicate my need? Am I afraid of being misunderstood? Am I afraid of feeling the rejection that can come with being denied? Am I afraid of appearing weak or needy or, worse yet, vulnerable? Oh, the horror!
I guess the real question then is: Why am I afraid? Why is anyone ever afraid? For any number of reasons, really. There will always be fear in one's life. So how do I override fear and find my voice? I believe it's the same as the answer to this question: How do I ask?
As I'm typing out this question, an answer pops into my head: You just do. You take that step into the unknown, push through that black hole of fear, and speak up. And the more you do it, the more versed you will become at it. Or not. Maybe it will always be a difficult endeavor. Maybe. Maybe not. I think it's about time I find out that answer for myself.
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