What have I learned during my Dark Night of the Soul time? What realizations have I uncovered during my silence? Lots. Although at times it felt like not so much. Most primarily, I've learned that you can't rush recovery. Period! You must let everything take its course. I've learned that in order to build anew, all must first fall away. And when you think you've lost all and there's nothing left, you find there's still more to be stripped away. I also learned not to lose heart. A day did dawn where, with fits and starts, I felt a familiar forward motion. While at times it feels as though I'm going nowhere fast, I've learned to just go with it. I've learned to let go of expectation and focus on experience. I can't necessarily control where I'm going and I definitely can't control how long it takes, but I do have control over how I choose to experience it all. And that's a pretty immense thing, when you think on it! I guess I learned a lot, really.
I didn't realize just how traumatic various life experiences were for me over the last few years until there was enough distance to give me perspective. Between the loss of love, family, friends, job, and faith, (damn, no wonder I was depressed!)...I found I also lost some fear, insecurity, false ideals, limiting viewpoints, defeatist talk... The list goes on.
I know truly that my journey's not done. Not by far! But at least I can speak of it now. For a while, I had to put away writing because I was void of words. I don't feel that immense void anymore. Tis a good thing! For me, anyway. For you? Well, you can always choose not to read my blog. And I wouldn't blame you! It's not like I have anything of value to say to you. But if you'd care to stop and rest a while, O Weary Internet Traveler, please feel free to have a seat and share a mug of hot sweet tea while we commence discussing nothing of consequence. Bemusing, isn't it?! ;)
