Destination Addiction

I recently posted this on my Facebook wall as it is so very fitting for me. 

"Beware of Destination Addiction - a preoccupation with the idea that happiness is in the next place, the next job, and with the next partner.  Until you give up the idea that happiness is somewhere else, it will never be where you are."

I am shamed to say I spent a good portion of my life in this sorry state.  In fact, at times I still find myself trapped in its clutches!  But the difference between then and now is the realization that I can choose a different way of being for myself.  Through my BEMUSED journey, I'm creating my own happiness by exploring my true passions and desires.  In doing so, I feel myself breaking this habit once and for all.

It's like a disease really.  I guess that's the classification of all addiction.  I have already bemoaned on here my dissatisfaction with my job.  What you don't know is that I've bemoaned dissatisfaction with my home, my relationships, my finances, my lifestyle, my hair, my boobs, blah blah blah...  The list goes on.  I've tried to tackle this issue in the past too by analyzing each individually to see how to change it into something better.  I've made to-do lists, cut out pretty pictures from magazines for inspiration, and highlighted articles for reference.  All in an attempt to custom make a life and self that I thought would finally make me happy.

Ahhhhh...no.  All I was doing was replicating someone or something else.  Trying to fit in that square box that I thought I belonged in.  It didn't work.  There was no true lasting happiness to be found in that state.  I always wound up feeling listless and empty.  Although I do remember being blissfully happy (for the most part) in childhood.  So when did my addiction begin?  I know exactly when -- as a teenager.  I spent hours upon hours holed up in my bedroom dreaming of my future.  From there into adulthood, the happy moments dwindled down more so as I floundered around in my existence, not really knowing myself, just going through the motions in so many ways.  It was always easier to dream of life than actually create it and live it for myself. 

But I don't blame my former self for this as I once did.  So often I catch myself saying, "All that time I wasted, had I only known..."  Well, I didn't know!!  I had no idea of the woman I was.  And she's not the same as the woman I am now.  It takes living and a continuous exploration and true connection to self to really progress in discovering one's true pleasures.  It takes time to really get in there and dig around.  And even then, it takes time to craft around those discoveries.


I'd say it's taken me until now to really know ME.  And the reason I say it's a "continuous exploration" is because I find myself to be ever evolving.  Last year I really stepped outside of myself and started to explore various interests and curiosities I've had for ages.  That process shall continue into this year as well.  It's all part of immersing myself in my idea of Passionate Living.  So here I am, taking my search to a whole other level.


It's in there, I know it is!  Somewhere deep inside me is a  wellspring of True Happiness.  I shall continue the search by immersing myself in the things I love to do.  I shall expose myself to new endeavors to see if it triggers something excitable within.  I'll keep digging until I find the X that marks that magical spot to my wellspring.  And BEMUSED shall be a treasure map I share with other explorers journeying to the center of their own most passionate souls.