The definition of a conundrum is 1) a riddle whose answer contains a pun; 2) any puzzling problem. Well I've got a pun-less conundrum here... I want to know if happiness is a choice.
All around me I see inspirational sayings that tell me it is indeed a choice. We choose what we think. Therefore, we choose how we feel. We also choose how we see things. I believe all of this to be true. So yes, I believe in a certain sense that we choose whether or not to be happy, regardless of circumstances.
If that's the case, then today, I choose to be happy.
...
...
...I'm waiting...
...
While I do believe happiness involves a choice of sorts, I don't think it's as easy as the statement above makes it sound. If I am feeling unhappy, despite my choice to feel happy, does it mean I'm lacking in gratitude? I don't think so. So why do I still flounder with the need to feel happy?
Let me look at it from a different angle. I have moments of happiness. They tend to be brief and fleeting. Maybe that's normal. Maybe one should strive not for happiness but for contentedness. I want to feel content. I want to feel it more days than not. And I want to feel it regardless of my circumstances. My feelings of contentment should not be based on my job, my home, or my love life. Any of those things can be fleeting and I want my contentment to be as permanent a thing as can be.
Is that even possible?
I feel listless and languid. I feel it enough to question why when I'm perfectly capable of seeing all the good in my life. So why can't I feel it?
Often times a restless, unsatisfied nature is attributed to a disconnect with oneself. Is that the root of my problem? Do I need to spend more time exploring myself and my passions? Well, yes...I do... We all do. But I don't know if that can fully explain my issue. I think it goes way deeper than that. Am I just a whiner? I sure hope not! I don't mean to be!! I will have a run of days where I maintain a positive outlook, telling myself, "Fake it till you make it." But then I get tired of faking it when what I truly feel inside is dissatisfaction. And then I mope. And then I get angry with myself for moping. And then I get frustrated for being so unkind to myself.
I know a big problem for me is the constant chatter I have going through my mind. It's not that it's always a negative chatter, but it is constant and that alone is draining. The main reason for it is because I fell away from 3 very important practices: meditation, yoga and reiki. These 3 things are key for me to silence and de-clutter my mind. They need to be my mainstay for any healthy spiritual work.
In my posts leading up to now, I can see how I've gotten way ahead of myself here. I'm trying to run with BEMUSED while failing to walk first with my tripod (meditation, yoga, reiki). My tripod needs to be fully functioning before any journey can commence. Pursuing the whispers of my heart is all well and good. But it's impossible for me to clearly hear those whispers over all the senseless chatter going on.
So what have I determined here? Let's see... I do believe happiness is a choice. And while I believe I am still in need of self-exploration, I think I'm far enough along there for the time being. That leaves me with the issue of my chatterbox brain. I obviously need to devote more time to dealing with that before returning to self-exploration. Can't keep wasting valuable energy chasing my tail with my tripod sitting in a deconstructed heap in the corner!
This is a crazy busy week for me. The cat got neutered. My son has a school project due next week as well as Valentines to prepare for his classmates. My grandmother was in the hospital. I'm preparing for a theater production that I'm in this weekend (did I mention I'm doing some community theater for the first time ever?! more on that tomorrow). And I'm way behind on some cutting commissions and pieces for a small gallery display that's going up in a local restaurant for next month. Plus there's the regular cooking, laundry, cleaning, appointments and errands, all of which have been greatly neglected. And did I mention that I lost a whole night last night being down for the count due to a migraine? I don't see how I can possibly carve out a niche this week for one more thing, no matter how much that meditation is needed right now!
But come next week, it's definitely back to Basic Training for me!!!
All around me I see inspirational sayings that tell me it is indeed a choice. We choose what we think. Therefore, we choose how we feel. We also choose how we see things. I believe all of this to be true. So yes, I believe in a certain sense that we choose whether or not to be happy, regardless of circumstances.
If that's the case, then today, I choose to be happy.
...
...
...I'm waiting...
...
While I do believe happiness involves a choice of sorts, I don't think it's as easy as the statement above makes it sound. If I am feeling unhappy, despite my choice to feel happy, does it mean I'm lacking in gratitude? I don't think so. So why do I still flounder with the need to feel happy?
Let me look at it from a different angle. I have moments of happiness. They tend to be brief and fleeting. Maybe that's normal. Maybe one should strive not for happiness but for contentedness. I want to feel content. I want to feel it more days than not. And I want to feel it regardless of my circumstances. My feelings of contentment should not be based on my job, my home, or my love life. Any of those things can be fleeting and I want my contentment to be as permanent a thing as can be.
Is that even possible?
I feel listless and languid. I feel it enough to question why when I'm perfectly capable of seeing all the good in my life. So why can't I feel it?
Often times a restless, unsatisfied nature is attributed to a disconnect with oneself. Is that the root of my problem? Do I need to spend more time exploring myself and my passions? Well, yes...I do... We all do. But I don't know if that can fully explain my issue. I think it goes way deeper than that. Am I just a whiner? I sure hope not! I don't mean to be!! I will have a run of days where I maintain a positive outlook, telling myself, "Fake it till you make it." But then I get tired of faking it when what I truly feel inside is dissatisfaction. And then I mope. And then I get angry with myself for moping. And then I get frustrated for being so unkind to myself.
I know a big problem for me is the constant chatter I have going through my mind. It's not that it's always a negative chatter, but it is constant and that alone is draining. The main reason for it is because I fell away from 3 very important practices: meditation, yoga and reiki. These 3 things are key for me to silence and de-clutter my mind. They need to be my mainstay for any healthy spiritual work.
In my posts leading up to now, I can see how I've gotten way ahead of myself here. I'm trying to run with BEMUSED while failing to walk first with my tripod (meditation, yoga, reiki). My tripod needs to be fully functioning before any journey can commence. Pursuing the whispers of my heart is all well and good. But it's impossible for me to clearly hear those whispers over all the senseless chatter going on.
So what have I determined here? Let's see... I do believe happiness is a choice. And while I believe I am still in need of self-exploration, I think I'm far enough along there for the time being. That leaves me with the issue of my chatterbox brain. I obviously need to devote more time to dealing with that before returning to self-exploration. Can't keep wasting valuable energy chasing my tail with my tripod sitting in a deconstructed heap in the corner!
This is a crazy busy week for me. The cat got neutered. My son has a school project due next week as well as Valentines to prepare for his classmates. My grandmother was in the hospital. I'm preparing for a theater production that I'm in this weekend (did I mention I'm doing some community theater for the first time ever?! more on that tomorrow). And I'm way behind on some cutting commissions and pieces for a small gallery display that's going up in a local restaurant for next month. Plus there's the regular cooking, laundry, cleaning, appointments and errands, all of which have been greatly neglected. And did I mention that I lost a whole night last night being down for the count due to a migraine? I don't see how I can possibly carve out a niche this week for one more thing, no matter how much that meditation is needed right now!
But come next week, it's definitely back to Basic Training for me!!!
I find that art (or in my case crafting) is the one things that gets rid of the clutter in my mind. When I'm excited about a project, then I am content. When I don't have a project to keep me occupied, I feel restless and dissatisfied. But that's just because I hate exercise, otherwise I'd probably feel content if I meditated - or did yoga and reiki too! :)
ReplyDeleteI can totally relate! When I have something I'm jazzed about, I have complete tunnel vision. Without such focus, I wander around lost until inspiration strikes again. I feel so fickle! lol
ReplyDelete